so lecture ended early for today. after four lectures so far, this one looks the most promising. i mean it was the most interesting one that make me wanna sit up and listen to what the prof is talking about. he's one cool dude who can speak malay cos he did anthropological studies of pondans in Malaysia. hahaha...

so after that i had lunch with fazzy, artika ad latiff tho fazzy didnt eat. and headed to yih to help artika and zahila clean up stuff from the welcome tea, and then at the spur of the moment me and artika decided to head down to Bugis Street for shopping cos we realised that (counting this sem), it has already been three sems since we took the same lectures and promised each other to go shopping but never got around doing it. so since this is the first week of school and all, it seemed like a good time for shopping and good old girl talk which i must admit that we did a lot of just now.

which really got me thinking. i know that this is a public space and everything and it's not the best place to pour out my feelings and emotions but wth. i am afraid of commiting into a relationship. bcos when i commit myself to a relationship, which is not often i must say. i put my heart my soul and what have u into it. perhaps it's the idealistic side of me putting all this expectations to my other half since i feel that i gave everything i could. of course sometimes i must say that my everything is not enough. but by putting in my all, the heartbreak i must say is horrible if it doesnt go the way as i expect it to be. i think no word in the dictionary does justice to describe the way i feel after the end of a relationship, especially this last one. and now is the time for recovery. the time to pick myself up, reflect and somehow try to fix all the pieces of my heart back to one whole. but im afraid of meeting someone new. im afraid that i would jinx it by my expectations and my over eagerness. im afraid that i have to go through this whole process again.

so....only the brave should fall in love.

because insecure people like me would just make a whole mess out of it. sometimes i ask myself why am i so insecure. and im insecure about almost everything, it's just taht i try to hide it behind this brave front. when in actual fact, in my mind, every second, i am psycho analysing the things and people around me. hahah..ok i sound weird. but it's true! i should think more about my studies instead of these random and supposedly unimportant things going on around me.

which brings me to my next point. i just realised that i have not spelled out my aims for this sem. so my goals are as follows :-