Saturday, November 11, 2006
i think i blog too much..nah..just feeling low and empty..dun ask me why?..i'm online..watching one heart breaking video after another...and bawling my eyes out..but i like it..i like tat everybody is out and i have the whole house to myself..to do my own stuff..since all my tests and assingnments are done..oh i have minutes to type..but i dun feel up to it la..so i'll just do nonsense for now.
actually i just came back frm jalan raya with my primary school frens...it went good i guess. was extremely surprised with the turn up..i think like 13 ppl came which i think is very good..and we got a very good bus at a sooper good rate..so now i'm just slacking at home..smtg i havent done in a long long time.....there's nothing good on tv la...sighs....
adieu
| 9:42 PM |
Adieu.
i have no idea how to upload videos..sighs..anyway i wanna share this song with everyone..i like it and i can relate to it..as for now..i shall just leave you wit hthe lyrics.
"Hurt"
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myselfIf I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
| 10:00 AM |
Adieu.
Friday, November 10, 2006
I'm sorry to all those i've hurt
to all the dearest to me who tried to help me when i was hurt
but got hurt instead
i'm sorry for all the time i've wasted
i'm sorry for everything
to my loved one
i'm sorry
it's better for this way
that i keep it to myself
| 10:58 PM |
Adieu.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
just came back from doing marketing stuff...visited a tatoo studio to enquire about a sponsorship. quite an interesting experience altho i think the whole thing was barely 10 mins. was very glad that izzati and laila k tagged along, altho at first i was trying to be macho about the whole thing. hahahhah..ya la..in the beginning izzati thot that she couldn't make it and i didn't want to disturb laila k by asking her along. so i pretended to put up this brave front la...when fadzli kind of offered to come along..i was like being macho and all and i went "nevermind. it's ok. i dun want to bother anybody" only when i was at the tatoo studio did i silently said a prayer of thanks that izzati came along.
hahha..dun get me wrong..the guy was very nice..i actually thot that he's actually kinda cute...hehhe..he has nice brown eyes...but that's besides the point..the point is the experience was different and refreshing and getting myself in this whole marketing thing is actually a right choice....altho it was uncomfortable...and there was a few times i almost died because of heart attack it was a good experience..and i fulfilled a promise to myself for involving myself in things outside my comfort zone. altho i dun think i want to have anything to do with marketing in a long long time.hahah...till my next entry..which shldnt take long la
adieu
| 7:11 PM |
Adieu.
something that just brightened up my day..:D
i ahve a new affinity for penguins and hippos..hehhehehe
| 11:35 AM |
Adieu.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
I have not been commenting a lot about my past relationship. I guess not many ppl noe the real situation between wat happened between me and sufiayn. To me that is something private between us and I just think that it is inappropriate to address such a private matter in a public blog. All our problems,trials and tribulations..no matter how much I tell my very closest of closest friends what happened between the both of us, nobody would noe the situation better than the both of us. My intention here is not to explain the real situation…neither it is to blame anybody for what happened..but I just wanna make a comment about how powerful the blog really is. How it can really reach the masses. I respect sufiyan’s decision on having his own blog to pour out his feelings to. I know that NS sucks and that I’m not able to be there for him as a friend. But it is just very hurtful how people judge me from there. I cannot pretend that I am not affected when someone says something like I am not good enough for him. But I do think that nobody has the right to judge me based on what was written in a blog entry. I noe that I put in ALL my effort into the relationship. And when the relationship still failed in the end I noe my flaws and why I made a decision to do so.
All these are just a little bit of my thoughts and opinions about my own relationship. I just wished that the world isn’t so judgmental (I noe how naïve can I be). We are nobody to pass judgments or comments on other people’s lives and the way they live it. Because I always believe that as much as you understand or noe a situation that another individual is going thru, you will never noe exactly how he or she feels because you were not in that particular’s individual shoes. We may wonder why that individual decided to take that step or go in that certain direction. Although we feel that we noe that that individual person is making a mistake, we must respect his or her space and privacy and trust that the decision that they are making.
I also know that I am not a perfect human being, and that in my life I have made judgmental comments or criticize situations that other people are in. But I just hope that I did not hurt anybody’s feelings by potraying my opinions openly. If I did I guess I want to apologise for my doings.
So now I noe that there are certain things that I can do to protect myself from getting hurt. I just hope that people respect my privacy on that matter and also not judge me on my decision to end it with sufiyan. it was not his fault and he is a fantastic person and no matter wat happens in the end he will alway sbe special. pls dun judge my friendship with fadzli, it's not his fault that he's stuck helping me around nus.
I have been thru a lot for the whole of this year. It is truly a never-ending roller coaster ride for me. But Alhamdulillah, I have had a strong support system behind me for which without it I am not where I am today. A friend ironically asked me how come I am always to happy. Truth be told I was surprised that the question was posed to me although it wasn’t the first time I was asked a similar question. I told him that it was my family and friends. Which I truly feel is true. I noe what it is like to have no friends. I pray that I will never be in that unfortunate situation again. Although he attributed it to my cheerful nature, as I thot about it before drifting off to sleep, I realize that I appreciate every single small thing that makes me happy. Catching an early bus, doing an assingnment well, a smile from a stranger or from some one I noe. But most of all I attribute it To Allah s.a.w. who I noe I is the only constant in my life.insyallah.
Adieu all
| 10:06 PM |
Adieu.
am feeling extremely happy now with my soci results..yay!!!!i am so so happy..you have no idea how esctatic i am..hahhahah...i'm actually quite tired from all the happiness..so all the slogging for that weekend for my midterm paper..and all the stressing out for my presentations and my other papers..was all worth it!..yay!...was supposed to collect my sw1101e paper...but havent yet..too nervous to do that ..wat if i get a C..like how i did for my sss1207...ok one more test to go..on friday..and that's it!..no it doesnt mean it that it is all over..it means that i can start studying for my EXAMS!...wth..i'm so tired...but ya..i love my busy-ness....
aniwei yesterday was quite a ..erm...flustering?...any such word..it was stressful..shall not elaborate..but a whole lot of drama..plus had some screw ups with marketing stuff...ya la.i am extremely kanchiong..and i started like hyper ventillating...anw..am am i involving myself in too many tings? i dunno i feel like i have to make up for all the lost time....
will elaborate the next time
adieu all
| 3:23 PM |
Adieu.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
i am in malay srudies lecture now..sleepy like hell..so many things has happened since i last blog..which is quite ironic cos the last time was only like 5 days ago or something...
so on saturday..we had the ac jalan raya..which startd out lousily i must say...azad picked me up like an hour late an di wasted like fifteen bucks on the taxi fare from my tuition place to causeway point only having to wait for another hour for azad to come.luckily that was the only low point of the jalan raya..i had a lot of point..was glad that i could spend some time with liyanna and syikin..i realise that i miss them so much cos we used to be so close back when we were in the same class when you come to think about it that it's only last year...time really pass by so so quickly...plus i got to spend time with the lailas yay!...and also the rest..basically i was so glad that all of us got to meet up to catch up..a lot of azad bashing, fat jokes for azad..hahahha..he deserve it for the screw up in the timing..but ya he did gain a lot of weight....
so cikgu's house was the last house..for me at least...(her kids have grown up so they are more frinedly now..and it's nicer to play with them) after which i left to join my family for jalan raya...i dunno how to describe how tired i was ta the end of tht day..i noe some of you might be disgusted by this..but i was so tired that i fell asleep at the side of my bed..baju kurung and all...so anw..still waiting for pictures from liyanna and syikin...i had some pics from my phone la..so it's not many..
so the weekend was spent trying to finish my malay studies essay,,which i was struggling to finish...altho i finished it in the end..it was wit hmuch perseverence, a lot of sacrifice in jalan raya time and a lot of loss in sleep...but yay..i did it in the end..ok so maybe i should pay attention now...
adieu all
| 2:22 PM |
Adieu.
