Saturday, April 28, 2007

funny isnt it sometimes, no matter how hard you try

it all doesnt matter if results does not show

it all goes down the drain because someone doesnt see YOUR effort.

and the truth is..

no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that the end doesnt matter

and that what matters is the process that you go through

it sometimes doesnt feel that way

and so many thoughts run through your head

like how come someone cannot acknowledge it despite all the effort you put in

but of course you will always ask yourself whether it is the fault of the one judging you

or your fault for not putting in the effort that is expected out of you

but sometime it's so hard

cos it feels as if you did

and you feel like running away, and hearing comforting words

BUT

that's the easy way out no?

running away from reality?

what's the point..it WILL catch up with you

so this is what im doing...

i am not running away

i will not seek for words of comfort

i will seek for words of wisdom

i will not compromise my beliefs

i will not be biased and self-centered

i will be the kick-ass supergirl that i have always dreamt of being

i will be me

and i feel much better now...

"it's possible living life alone you know"

Labels: girl power

| 12:15 AM |

Adieu.

Friday, April 27, 2007

i wanna watch again! :(

| 4:37 PM |

Adieu.

i actually fell asleep blogging yesterday...hahaha

oh well...went home yesterday to see ina watching this movie The Perfect Man. If you do get a chance to take sociology of family you do realise that there is no such think as a perfect man. it is just an ideology, the ideology of the perfect spouse. and people are often disappointed or end up with no one cos reality does not match up with their ideal. BUT...I dun want to preach about all tis. i sat for and finished my Family paper yesterday..woohoo!.. and i watched this movie in bits and pieces on youtube. I think it's a so-so movie with very pleasant cinematography. pretty setting, pretty people, pretty clothes. Just the right movie to watch without doing much thinking. and of course with all te pretty things, it's really good for me cos i am really a very visual person.

so i went home a very pleased girl. TOPSHOP was having a mid-season sale and it really was a sale. not those kind of sales where everything is priced around $80 and i cant get anything. the cheapest i found was like $9 for this long sleeved purple top. i wanted to get that initially but i figured that i dun really look good in purple and that i should really stop with the whole empire waist trend. SO, i settled for a green top..which i think is beeyoootifool....i dunno what's up with me and green lately..haha..oh well..just a warning before i go on that this post is going to be nothing more than empty, bimbotic rantings about clothes and maybe some other stuff. coming back to what i was saying. oh yes...i realise that i get a lot of tops but i am really rubbish at picking out bottoms. and a rubbish bottom really spoils an outfit dont you think. and so..for the holidays, i am going to ask laila to teach me how to buy nice bottoms to go with my tops...what i actually did was went to all the websites of stores that i normally go..but ya it was difficult for me to make up my mind on what i really want. take this pants for example. it was the one that stood out for me, but i feel that it's trendy and that's not good cos once the trend is out you look like a clown wearing this. and secondly...im vertically challenged and this really would not help me in that department. haha...

ok my next paper is like next wednesday and i am acting as if my exams are over. :( like today for example..im slacking my ass of at home..but finally i have sort of nothing to do and i am going to clean my room!!!! yay!!! am very happy. heading down to Eastwood for dinner later and shirah just told me that we might be going for a bbq over at cik ani's house on sunday. i cant wait! imagine all the foooooooood.....

ps. i think Pizza Hut at Marina Square seriously has the best service in Singapore and Peps and Spice is my most favouritest pasta !

Labels: mid-exams

| 12:33 PM |

Adieu.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

obsessive compulsive disorder: -

disorder in which intruding, recurring thoughts or obsessions create anxiety that is relieved be performing a repititive, ritualistic behavior (compulsion)

i guess when the term obsessive compulsive disorder comes to mind, the first two ppl who come into mind is Adrian Monk and Bree. things that i asociate with this disorder is also obsessive cleaning and the need to be as neat as a pin. But of course truth is the disorder is beyond that..it's the need to do something over and over again to make sure that everything is ok and perfect. Funny thing is that i've never realy seen this as a disorder. I actually admire these ppl who are able to keep their lives as orderly as possible. to keep the places that they live in spotless and so organized. i envy them. i used to be somewhat like that in primary school. those were the days when i actually felt like my life was in order and by being obsessively neat, i feel like i have control over my life. my handkerchief was neatly ironed, folded neatly and placed in my left pocket. my right packet would be where i keep my packet of tissue. (till today i still do not know what the point is of bringing a handkerchief to school..i didnt use it at all) All my stationery would be of the same colour and placed in one direction in my pencil box. ie. the tips of the pens/pencils would have to be in the same direction. i think i was the only one who completed every single correction in my file and work book. i even did correction in green pen if i were to say forget to write the date on the worksheet. and i actually bothered to arrange my music scores for my harmonica club in alphabetical order. (yes i was from harmonica club) i was somewhat a geek and i loved it. i didnt care that i wasnt part of the cool gang. and i did well in school. i miss those days when i was more rajin and i actually feel like i have control over my life. i lost it in secondary school. i guess when i was supposed to be more independent, i kind of lost it. im the sort who needs someone to be watched over and monitor me so that i dont slack off.

i guess what i want is just more control over my life and to quit being such a lazy bum. which is so hard these days. haha..only God knows why i'm such a big lazy bum nowadays. i miss being efficient and always on time. although im relatively neat in my school work, a lot can be done with my attitude towards my studies and also the way i am studying. this is why i dont get results.

but it's easier to control myself rather than control others. you never know what they're thinking. you never know what makes them upset, happy, angry, frustrated, etc. i guess you roughly have a general idea what would trigger off certain emotions for certain ppl. but sometimes things that you don't realise will affect them does. and it make you so conscious. for me at least, it makes me uncomforatble, irritable, rude, etc. and i dont like to be rude cos rudeness is my numero uno pet peeve. then i question whether it's unfair for me to judge others based on my own experiences and values. of course it's wrong to impose your values on them but now i feel that it is also wrong for you to judge them according to your values. but how do you draw the line between what is an acceptable action and what is not for some people?

there is no hard and fast rule for this. life would of course be much much simpler if there was. but what's the challenge in that?

boys:-

weirdest people on Earth i swear.

(but of course this judgement is passed based on MY experience alone and according to my own values..lol)

Labels: obsessive compulsive disorder

| 9:23 PM |

Adieu.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Wahai insan yang bernama lelaki

Jika kamu menyayangi wanita-wanitamu

Peliharalah kelembutannya

Peliharalah kesopanannya

Peliharanya airmatanya

Sekiranya wanita kehilangan tiga permata ini

Dia akan bertukar menjadi seekor binatang buas

Yang kasar, yang bengis.

(i stole this from maly's blog)

i just feel that guys do need to learn a thing or two about this. dont you?

Labels: puisi stolen from maly

| 9:57 PM |

Adieu.

Monday, April 23, 2007

death never fails to put my life into perspective

bare ly a month and i have to attend another funeral

in this world when everything material seems to matter so much..i get caught up with the paper chase and updating my shopping list and trying to catch up with the latest trend and news, worrying if i am good enough, pretty enough or clever enough. i fail to realise that most of the times i do not fulfil my first and foremost duty and the reason i've been sent down on this Earth. It's not to say that one should forgoe all their dreams...it's just that more often than not we forget our most primary responsibility and prepare for my time

today kick start my exams with malay studies for my first paper. i guess it was okay. the questions were very much like the past year questions..but the thing about exmas is that halfway, my right hand starts to have a life of its own. not only is my handwriting illegible i can barely remember what i wrote, it's like my thots are not oragnized and all my original plans of structuring my essay questions are gone..so if i do well/badly for a paper i can never remember what i did to get such a grade. lol

i just realise that amidst all this busy-ness and preparation for the exmainations (what little i have done so far)...i have been stuffing myself with darn a lot of junk food. from chocolates to cookies to jelly beans. i must say that i am guilty of purchasing food items for the aesthetic quality of the packaging( ie bright / colourful/sleek). but most of the time, packaging that are pleasing to the eyes equals to nice food ...

anyway these are my food purchases which have packaging which are pleasing to the eyes..

these are like cheddar snacks shaped like little fishies..reminded me a litlle of the fishy joke that nurul told us..haha..but the colourful packaging was the primary reason why i bought for my snacks today..lol...it tastes a little weird when i forst pop it in my mouth..but after tasting a few you kind of get addicted to it..

these are what they look like..they look like cat food dun you think..lol..i gave mont blanc some..

and these are the cutest chocolates on earth..i didnt realise that all the chocolates i've been eating which are in such cute packaging are actually form the same company..i dunno whether it's japanese or korean but they are oh-so-cute......and the best part is that they sell all the chocolates in these teeny weeny little boxes..so cute...it's like buying those little boxes of cereal that have all the falvours you want...

and my favourite strawberry chocolates.there was a stage in my NUS life when i was seriously addicted to these things

shucks i dun have pictures of my jelly beans and my cookies from subway..oh and i havent bought the apple cinnamon muffin from coffe express for so long...im craving..sheesh..oh and i am ashamed to admit this but i spen $4.50 on apple juice oon saturday because i like the bottle...oh goodness gracious..

Labels: junk food

| 9:25 PM |

Adieu.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

study date with mr. sufiyan sulaiman yesterday at the airport..oh well it was more of me studying and him occupying himself with PSP, magazines on Spiderman and his cup of capucinno..such a boy...*rolls eyes*. but i managed to cover quite a bit of malay studies..TOMORO'S MY EXAMS!!!

and then after that dinner with the family to celebrate Sod's and Mak Ngah's bdae

we ate at PAGI SORE..which by the way is uber good..ok i dunno how to direct ppl to tis place but i do noe that it's near Chinatown..and the food is seriously good. and the service i fantastic and we had lots and lots of fun..as usual..stupid, lame and utterly nonsense jokes exchanged courtesy of nurul azyan.

Labels: family dinner

| 3:02 PM |

Adieu.