Saturday, June 02, 2007

as usual my saturday was a full day. azri cancelled tuition for the fourth week in a row cos he was going to terengganu. so i made my way to marina to have breakfast with sufiyan at ya kun kaya toast. i realise that i miss the toasted bread at ya kun kaya toast. and also the half boiled egg. i can never make the perfect half-boiled egg. it will either be too hard or uncooked altogether and so ya kun makes the perfect half-boiled eggs. the only downside is that i realised that chinese like their soya sauce salty but i like the normal malay one that most malay families use at home which is sweeter. i always joke with sufiyan that the next time we eat there we should bring our own soya sauce but we never had the guts to do so.

and there is a way to eat your half boiled egg. some ppl like to break the runny yolk and mix everything together; egg yolk, egg white, soya sauce and pepper. some ppl dip their toast into the egg and eat it. but for me i like to put a little soya sauce first, eat some egg white and then break the yolk. but i hate to mix everything up cos i find that it's disgusting. eating half boiled eggs bring back fond memories of my child hood at ghim moh when my grandma would serve me and ina half boiled eggs every single morning. now u noe why i am chubby.

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then me and sufiyan took a long ride in 197 to school. oh well me and bus rides dun go well cos i tend to get bus sick...weird right cos i dun get car sick..but just now wasnt so bad cos i didnt throw up altho i felt dizzy. reached nus and we realise that upon reaching the sports area we had to go thru the MS area where they were having challenge shield and for some reason, sufiyan knew alot of ppl there. ppl from his jc, his ex-colleague, then we saw Rayan, his ac mat friend who was supprting his gf. so ya...times like this when you realise that the whole freaking world is freaking interconnected. sufiyan left once i found MPSH 5.

i was given the task of beating the gong. this is a picture of the gong which i had to hit :) . don't laugh ok..it's very serious business..i determine the end for

each round. and there's a trick to hitting it cos you gotta hit it hard. if not ppl cannot hear. at first i was a bit nervous but i got a hang of it soon enough. i fumble when i am at sports events because there was never a moment in my life when someone praise me for my atheletic abilities. (simply because there's nothitng to praise) and i have a great fear of sports besides cats. anyways i felt that it was a really good experience. im really not much of an athelete. actually i am not an athelete at all so i have never experienced a moment the crowd is going wild and ppl are actually cheering me on. so just now the wild crowd was very heartening and very exciting to watch. the matches were not bad too..some better than others but it was all very ehilirating and i got in the mood very easily. there was one match where this guy was like coughing out blood. it was frightening yet morbidly interesting to watch. and i must say i had the best seat in the house and i had a very good view of all the matches. the only regret i have is not to be able to watch fazzy fight in his match. i had to rush off for dsl rehearsal.

so sorry fazzy. i know you went thru a lot to get to this match, broken bones, hectic training, going thru dinosaurs and all. wish i caught the match. i really hope u won.

after silat..i went for dsl rehearsal at tapac. script has been finalised..HURRAH! :) congrats to script writers i think they did a good job. and...........i got my role..im playing a teacher named najma...hahhahahhahahahahhahahah..talk about irony. (oh btw i my malay teacher's name in ac was cikgu najmah) haha. reahearsal wasnt too bad. but after going thru the whole day i realise that the only meal i actually ate was the breakfast with sufiyan. so i am really hungry and i have nothing to eat.

tomorrow is sunday meaning FAMILY DAY!!! yay!! havent spent a whole day with my family for so long and i dun care if we just slack at home. i miss cooking with my mom. and i dun mind if she nags at me. :P

times like this when i am so busy and preoccupied with a lot of things. i get very pressurized. i want to be a good daughter and be there for my parents and my sisters. i want to be a good girlfriend to sufiyan and seriously work things out with him through thick and thin. i want to be a good friend and spend time with my friends, shopping, cathching a movie, ec-ing etc. i want to be there for my friends and let them noe that i do not take them for granted. i want to be a good team player and not let my members down for the different projects that i am involved in. i want to be a good muslimah and adhere to the islamic way of living. i want to be a good tutor and inspire my students. i want to be a lot of things. i just hope that ppl realise tat i am not shortchanging them. i have a lot of responsibilities but i also have faith in myself. and sufiyan..i do not squeeze you into my schedule..i like being busy but im not leaving u out. i hope u realise how important the different things in my life is to me..but that doesnt make u any less important.

Labels: who's gonna save me?

| 10:30 PM |

Adieu.

Friday, June 01, 2007

my birthday is coming..hehe..im excited but at the same time im one step closer to death. you might think im morbid but it's the truth. our prophet once said that the smartest ppl on earth are those who always think about death. and it really puts thinks into perspective. because i've been so involved and bsorbed in this worldly events, thinking about my approaching birthday makes me take a step back to review my life so far. and yes i am extremely guilty for being to absorbed in the material world, in fact in all the deadly sins. so yes it's a gentle reminder for me that my life on earth are numbered and it's high time that i remember where i would end up.

any hoos i went for pentas budaya meeting just now. but halfway, the meeting turned into a muslimah night meeting cos farhana, yasmine and yati were there..and we cant help it cos muslimah night is like next friday and there are a lot of things to settle and i havent been attending soo many meetings and i need to catch up. im sure husni was pissed off at us, and this is a super lousy excuse... but i really couldnt help it.

and i thought that next week would be less busy next week...but my looking at my schedule. i dun think sooo...hahaha...oh well it's like i noe it's the holidays but i dun mind doing all this cos it's my version of fun and honestly i rather do this then bum around at home. i've been bumming around for too many holidays in my life and im trying to make up for lost time. but ya la i try to space out things and so far so good but i think it will get more intense once PPP rehearsals get more frequent. the only down side is that i am low on cash. boooo.....

my entries are getting more and more boring because it's getting more and more descriptive..... and i am such a worry wart that i will spell out my insecurities. but yes i am very insecure about myself. and that's why i have a blog..to pour out everything..all my thots, feelings and angst. i hope that one day i'll be more secure and confident with myself so much so that i dun need my blog for the function of pouring out my insecurities.

Labels: i am super insecure

| 11:31 PM |

Adieu.

went for a family movie. DONT WATCH PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN. then off to a triple date with luqman, hakim, sri and lulu. then creative aesthetics workshop at tapac. anyhoos i have this uneasy feeling in me that i cant shake off. i dunno what it is. i think it's the combination of stuff happening. but ya la i hate it..it's like this sickening feeling in my stomach. maybe it's the time of the month. but not really. ok whatever.

WARNING! Angsty entry ahead.

i hate the other species, ie. males. i hate it that their egoes are huge. i hate the fact that they cannot take if a female shows a slightest tinge of smartness. and if we are funnier than them or smarter than them they start getting insecure and turn nasty. out of pure STUPIDITY, their attacks wll turn personal and vicious. like what the hell. i am so sorry if your ego is huge. i am so sorry if u are insecure about yourslef. but seriously get a life! boys are effing annoying.

it is so ironic that i have a bf. but i guess tt he's from a different species.

my feminist sentiments are raging inside me i tell u. so effing pissed. i hate the fact tt boys always go for submissive girls bcos they need to feel in control. i feel that it's lame and not to mention extremely pathetic. am i supposed to be this lemah lembut, malay girl with no opinions. everytime i have an opinion i suddenly appear aggresive. are we still living in the stone age. are guys missing the times when all they needed to do was knock a girl over and drag them home by the hair.

boys should save the world by jumping out of the window.

i gues it's not ALL the guys.

Labels: angsty

| 12:01 AM |

Adieu.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

before i start blogging proper..i would like to isue a statement of apology to my muslimah night com members for my super lousy commitment. i am truly sorry for not doing my job properly and not being able to attend so many meetings. i would try my best to make the night a success. insyAllah.

went for foc meeting and to watch the ac drama yesterday. came home quite late and my parents were pretty pissed off at me. so i hope thst since im home this evening i would make up for it. my sisters told me that the whole family would be going swimming this evening. so im quite excited about that.

been feeling lousy these few days. im okay..just that i feel my iman weakening. and i dunno why but im not doing anything to strengthen it. my responsibilities are piling up and i have not been exactly on task. ok i need to buck up and i'll do tat after i finish blogging. but it's nice getting that off my chest. i really hate feeling like a lazy bum and not on task.

and you noe what else i hate.......just when i thought that i have found something i really like and wanted to buy..I CANT!!!!!! went to river island for the very first time and there were a pir of mules i really realli like that comes in funky funky colours....and they are made of PIG SKIN!!! aaarrgghhh...can cry la.....i dunno what's wrong with me these days but i couldnt find anything i like. ok below are the pictures of the mules. and i looked around looking for other shoes..and all the ones i like are made of pig skin!!!!!! what the hell!!!!!! im so sad :(

so i decided to come up with an impossible wishlist...

PRADA LG phone
so nice right..i know the next time i get phone i want it to be slim and sleek. going to be an adult soon so no more bimbo phones for me.

Miss Dior Cherie
been wanting this since forever. but never really got aroud to buying it. it smells younger than the perfume i have now. and it would look really great on my dresser yay!

Mules impossible to find in Singapore which is nice. and is not made of pig skin. aarrgghhhh

Pointy Slingbacks
another fantastic alternative. also hard ro find nice ones in singapore. they had it at river island and they were made of pig skin....aaaaaaa

COACH tote
i want..but i really really cant afford it even if i quit shopping and eating altogether and vow to walk wherever i go so as to save on transport.

Labels: shopping list

| 3:03 PM |

Adieu.

Monday, May 28, 2007

went to help faatihah for some camp budaya for unity pri school malay kids. serioulsy damn a lot of fun. i really enjoy working with pri sch kids. it's like i forget about my tiredness altogether. plus i learnt a lot. my first time teaching kids a teeny weeny bit about drama. and i learnt how to think on the spot and improvise as i go along. learnt how to handle the kids. i dunno how to describe the amount of fun i have wit these kids..really thankful with faatihah for giving me the chance to be involeved. such a pity i cant be invloved in perkampungan bahasa cos im intereted. oh man..but maybe it would be different cos we'd be handling sec sch kids..oh well..i like them innocent. hahahaha..oooo..i identified like different kinds of ppl u find in a primary school. u noe in high school u have the jocks, nerds and what have you..i have compiled a list for pri school kids...

minah mentel (potential bimbo, flirt like nobody's business with anyone of any age, size or colour..hair or no hair..hahahha..usually with a group of wanabes..keekkeke)
mat rambut tajam ( seriously i can cut myslef with their jambul la..so high and so sharp! ouch! and they're lik the coll ones la)
the shy ones( i think i belong to this group when i was in pri school..they do not talk much and do not like sucking up to the teachers or other ppl)
mate montel (seriously damn cute!1 theri cheeks are super solid i tell u!)
groupies ( i dunno but there's always a group of girls that hang out together and do almost everything to gether and love getting close to female teachers)

so....

primary school teacher?

hmmmmm...............................................

after that headed to TAPAC for my PPP rehearsal. did the script again. got back very good and constructive comments from Anuar (is tt how u spell his name?) but ya i noe the script ppl have a lot to do and i really pity them. dinner at lau pasat with dsl ppl after that.

at the end of the day i seriously feel (and probably am) DAMN SMELLY! and i feel so sticky, as if im in a sauna u noe...especially at the pri school. omg that's wat teachers have to go thru! on a brighter note, i hope i lost my tree kilos today. but i dout so cos my pants still feel tight. damn it! im exhausted and my feet like want to drop off. but today was soooooooo fun!!!

foc meeting and ac drama tmr!

sufiyan taking one day off!!!!!!!

Labels: reminiscing

| 11:59 PM |

Adieu.

HAPPY THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY SHIRAH!

pics updated (28 may 2007) :]

quite a busy sunday for me..

anyway i find it odd if i like spent a day without reporting in my blog exactly what i did for the day

1. thai movie and ben jerrys with sufiyan

(sufiyan said go out with me can go bankrupt bcos i keep eating bnj :( )

i love quirky cool stationery shops

i gained 3 kg here

2. sending pak busu off and shirah's bdae dinner

in the end he couldnt get a flight and went home..first time i sent someone to the airport and he/she/they didnt fly off..so funny la

somehow we colour coded. mama, ina, shirah and me played racing at the airport. so fun! hahaha

Labels: birthdays

| 1:17 AM |

Adieu.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

i have a lot of pet peeves but those close to me would noe that my numero uno pet peeve is rude ppl or ppl who speak condecendingly to others. i just hate it. becuse i believe that when u speak rudely to others, u're like putting yourself on a pedestal, tinking that you're more supperior. which brings me to my second pet peeve, ppl imposing their morals on others. oh boy, whether it's religion, principles or morals, i believe that all these are personal. if u believe in something and want to put it across. go ahead be my guest. but i just hate it when some ppl just blatanltly say that they're right and that thier way or their method is the right way to go. i hate it when blindly use religion as their basis of argument when they themselves do not understand the religion and pick and choose what they want to belive in. thirdly i hate dinosaurs. i hate it that old ppl expect us to respect them just like that. i feel that if u want ppl to respect you. give us a reason to. age is not a fatcor. experience more often than not comes along with age. but it does not happen all the time. so if u want me to respect you...show me why. im not a rude person and i hope that i dont become a dinosaur...and i certainly hope that i do not impose my beliefs onto others.

angsty entry cos i have been mary freaking poppins for so long.

u always need a balance.

Labels: equilibrium

| 6:39 PM |

Adieu.

i got my results back.. i am so super syukur..cos i screwed up sem one. it's like i know that my results are seriously not fantastic and no big deal to others BUT i have IMPROVED! and i am very happy...so thank u fazzy for guiding me and pushing me thru the last sem.

just got back from ppp rehearsal. i realise that i am a different person around different ppl. the dsl ppl are generally loud, creative and funny. and usually around them i am quiet. too quiet..maybe cos everyone is a star in their own right and i dun want to compete. and around them i usually spectate. and around sufiyan, im normally talkative and seriously cant shut up and i always do nonsense until normally at the end of the day, he'll be very quiet cos he is too tired of layaning me. and around my close friends and the pbm ppl im more confident and brave. it feel as if im back in primary and sec school, when i am as quiet as a mouse. i even have days when i aim not to talk. then jc and uni came and ppl wished i just kept quiet.

and something else that i realise is that..(ok this is so random)...laila k is the only person that can make me laugh. as in seriously laugh until wanna go pee in my pants. i dunno it's just so random but i think she's the one person who can generate really, genuine and sincere laughs from me..(is there such a thing) haha..

anyhoos my grandaunt is sleeping over at my house and ina is sleeping over in my room. oh gosh. it's been a while since she slept in my room. hope she doesnt talk in her sleep anymore. hahaha...

tomoro..bright and early in the morning at 7..pak busu and family playing tennis and he asked us along..i am like so super malas cos i have tuition around eleven.....BUT...i really need the exercise..oh well..i'll tell u tmr whether i joined them or not.

Labels: i am not funny ard some ppl

| 12:13 AM |

Adieu.