Do You Need a Man?

What Color Rose Are You?

What City Do You Belong In?

i promise to put all this hurt and pain aside to focus on my work until at least monday

You know there is something wrong with me when i blog more then two times in a day. it shows that i am thinking..not necessarily about something intelligent or mind-boggling just thinking..the cycle has come to the end for this time around. and i wonder whether another one is coming up. maybe it doesnt matter that i hurt, as long as i can feel that moments of bliss at the begining of the cycle, when i actually feel whole and complete. maybe all the pain is worth it. maybe i'm meant to hurt. i dont think i'll learn to love again. it's so hard. and painful. and tedious.

cant live with him, cant live without him.

i think this is by far the most accurate way to describe how i feel.

anyhoos. just now's presentation went ok i think. it was slack. soon hock was wheeling himself around the computer lab to listen to our presentation. you didnt have to go in front to present your findings. in fact, you didnt even need to stand up. and u are the one who asks questions. not him. hahha...and to think i was so nervous and actually did breathing exercises before the presentation. haha. im such a loser sometimes.

Fazzy thanks for the strawberry chocs.

Adieu

ps. i think i have the best sisters in the world

i am happy today cos i got a substantial amount of work done. presentation tomoro! im nervous. why? afraid that i wont be able to reply the questions sooon hock pose to me. hope i get all my lit review done by today so that my presentation will somehow flow. i am nervous. just now i was doing the tables for my project. i love tables! they're so pretty! and they make my project look so nice. cant deny that i meet up with a lot of hiccups along teh way. i realised that my hypothesis is not proven with my survey..boo! but hey all's well..bakim came just now to join me, laila and fazzy for lunch at Macs. it was really nice to see him. even tho it was for a short while it was so nice to actually come and visit me in school..(:..thanks bakim..hope to see u in NUS. and hopefully we wil have that cousin table like how we planned to.yay!

ok..lemme address yesterday's issue. i noe im gonna get at least a few frowns for me swearing. i noe. tudung girl swearing. *shakes head* i couldnt help it. i was so so mad. i guess..a very sensitive topic was breached yesterday.........my grades. it's just that im really trying and i was just so mad that i was accused for having bad grades, like implying im stupid or smtg. i never blamed PBM. never had and never will. i love PBM! anw the reason i joined so many projects is to firstly forget about drown myself in all the busy-ness so that i would forget everything taht happened..and secondly to force myself to be disciplined. i admit i was tired. i am tired. but i enjoyed it. school is like an escape for me. like i actually feel needed and it actually feels as if im doing smtg right. tiredness is a small small price to pay im telling u. i never blamed him either..what's the point of poitning fingers, it's just sometimes so hard to make him understand my situation. i honestly dunno what to do about the situation already. i've tried to look at it from the point of view of the other party (altho he will never ever admit that i did so).i've tried talking it out. talking to other people to get opinions. i've tried relationship books. i've tried changing my way. i've tried distaning myself from a very close friend. i've tried going withthe flow. but nada. i've tried. right? i did...i noe i did. i really really tried.

i dunno what he thinks of me now. i bet he's mad at me for not picking up his calls. but u should have seen how mad i was. very mad. i mean i refuse to accept it anymore. what am i doing to myslef. what is he doing to himself. the situation seem so long gone now. beyond repair. and i really hate the way his friends view me as the "bad guy"..the destroyer of his life. it's so hard to act unaffected by strangers remarks. now i dunno what's gona happen. we were supposed to go to some performance tomoro. and i dunno what's happenin. i have no time to resolve this by tonight. i need to finish up presentation and do that stupid drawing for theatre studies drawing. and i have tuition with shirah shortly. i even skipped lecture for the very forst time just now to do my work.( Spinelli's fantastic btw.)

oh my lamentations...................

adieu

today, i feel like telling everyone a secret. haha....ok the thing is I have always wanted to be an air stewardess..hhahah..preferbaly a Singapore Airlines stewardess..a Singapore girl..u see i have been extremely lucky because i've had the oppurtunity to travel since a very early age..6 months to be precise..so during my yearly trips overseas, i've had many experiences with air stewardess..some bad but mostly pleasant. i've always admired the way they're so prim and proper and pretty..hehhehe...3 Ps...ok i admit that the standard has dropped in recent years..like for example, the other day me and ina were at the airport and then we saw this one stewardess..and we were like literally staring at each other with our jaws dropped..hahha..for all the wrong reasons..but ya..i still do want to be a stewardess..i just think that they're so cool..i dont think the job is glamorous i just think it's so cool..others have ambitions of becoming doctors, teachers, lawyers, engineers..and what do i wanna be?..an airline stewardess...hahhaha...ya i am NEVER gonna live this dream..hahaha..but it's just nice to like day dream about it once in a while..hahahha..ok..so kental..i cant believe i just proclaim to the whole wide world this..maybe not a lot of people would read this entry.

oh well..anyhoos..i've decided that from now on i would tone down on the whole Imran Ajmain thing..he's coming to perform again for Pentas Budaya...but i am so totally gona shut up about him..im not gonna take a photo with him. i feel so embarassed. i mean i am a fan. but a small fan. i dun buy his CDs or like go to all his events. i just get mildly excited when i see him on tv. i think he has a great voice and i really like his songs.but ya that's it. I'm sure he's a nice guy la, but i cant admire someone for too long. i feel weird..almost stalker like..haha..just now Farhana like showed me his blog and i felt so weird reading his entries. i think it shall be my first and last time there...so ya shall just admire him from afar..like listening to his songs on the radio... (:

omg work is K-E-R-A-Z-Y! i have two 15 pages long papers to submit..one 3 pg paper this friday which i havent even started since i was so absorbed with my methods paper..which i will finish half of insyAllah by tomoro. i have to skip Arab class again..boo! ok no more skipping after this ..twice is enuf. oh anyways my mudareez is like in cairo so his student is like taking over for a while. I have a presentation on Thursday! and i have a stupid assingnemnt for theatre studies to be done by Thursday too! I have no idea when i'm gonna have time to do all these..and i still have yet to submit the budget to Kamie. Sighs.....ok wait..im not allowed to sigh..it's bad for me..ok la..u all have a good week ahead alright..

much love,
Lin

Adieu

ps. i bought 2 tops today! i couldnt help it..they were going for 8 bucks a piece... :p

1) make over my room to look like Jennifer aniston's apartment in "The Breakup"..it's really gorgeous...the grey walls..the white doors..the beautiful flooring..and the accesories that really complete the details of this beautiful apartment...i want to come home to a room as beautiful as this every night!

2) get me pretty pretty cupcakes that look too good to eat and taste fantastic at the same time...i'm dying for something sweet and rich in my life...