been a while since i blogged properly. meaning it has been a while since i had the time for a heart felt post, in which i discuss my feelings and thoughts on matters happening around me. now with foc and ppp over, i do feel a bit empty. suddenly, there's no need for rushing from one place to another. which is a nice change but at the same time i'm gonna miss doing that.

at some points during my three month long break, i did think back on my decisions to take up so many projects. i like to live life with no regrets, however, at the same time i do reflect on what i have gone through and see what could be improved. as tiring as it was, and as difficult as it was, i must say that i did not regret taking up muslimah night, foc and ppp. because i really met great great people along the way and learn a lot in terms of team dynamics, leadership (although i did not take up any leadership positions) and of course all the nitty gritty formalities that have to be done when hadling certain things. i also learn a lot about myself. and i could feel myself changing and growing up. i learnt that around the foc comm im really a huge idiot and im always laughing and i always go home smiling and happy. which is so different from who i am during my primary, secondary school and jc years, when i am very resereved about my ideas and definitely mush less confident about expressing thoughts and feelings and at the same time insecure about the way i look and present myself.

but i have learnt to overlook certain things, be less conscious and also try to take risks along the way. although they are still safe in a way, it's the first step to bigger things to come.

with that said, i do think that i was ambitious with taking up so many projects. yes i could manage them, but that would mean that my contribution to each and every committee that i was part of was much much less. in simpler words i could not be involved as a whole. i realised that i missed alot of important points of the journey that my different committees went through. and it really saddens me that i could not give my 100%. not only was i juggling my different responsibilities, being someone who is very close to my family, it was difficult for me to suddenly spend much much less time with them. i felt so distant from them and sometimes i wouldnt see my mom or sisters for days because by the time i reach home they are all asleep. relationship wise, i know that a lot of people were surprised when me and sufiyan suddenly decided to reconcile and give us another try. while the reasons are personal, i can just say that it really wasnt easy. the journey is rocky and it was difficult (though i manage to do it) to separate my personal life and my responsibilities. so i guess i'm really thankful that sufiyan stuck by me though thick and thin despite our challenges and supported me. oh and of course i missed my friends a lot. i couldnt catch up with them as much as i wanted to. and i guess i did in a way negelcted them and for that i feel so guilty.

but i did not take up the different projects blindly. i took them up because