when i involve myself in all this projects. i knew what i wanted. i wanted experience and i wanted to force myself to learn how to discipline myself. by involving myself in more than one project and at the same time making sure that i do my part for each one of them, that would force me to oragnize my life well. but now, lethargy has set in and i am doing most of my job for the sake of doing it. and therefore i think it is about time that i buck up and resume my reponsibilities properly. i cant continue this way. i would firstly not achieve my aim of taking up the projects and secondly lose out with the oppurtunities at hand. im not stupid, i noe what i was in for when i signed up for this projects, i know what i was in for, i think i lost sight of my whole intention and aim for embarking on the tasks at hand. maybe i over-estimated myself. i forgot to take into account the time for family, friends, tuition and of course sufiyan when i took up the challenge. i guess im paying for it now. rushing from one place to another, people upset with me, me being guilty cos i know that i havent done a good job, me being guilty for being late yet again, and the list just strectches.

but just now, during rehearsal something struck me. As an actor, we have always be on our feet, our mind has to always react to the situation around us. and of course there are times when the things we least expect to happen, happens. but of course we cant show the audience that we are lost. we have to act as if it was the most natural thing in the world. as if it was supposed to happen. and to do that is to quickly forgive ourselves for the mistake that we have made and move on. if we keep thinking about it, we would just be stuck in a rut. I would be stuck in a rut. my mistake was the miscaculationes in time and my capabilities. but i am going to forgive myself for always coming late, failing to fulfil promises, not being on task and not being the perfect person tt i strive to be. and now i want to move on and do a better job.

just now i went to meet the lailas. of course i miss them. altho the ec session was quieter than usual. it's just nice being around people that i am familiar with and with whom i dun have to pretend or make an effort to have a conversation with. it's nice to be able to just be myslef and not be afraid of being judged. and yes they got me presents for my birthday! haha..laila j got me the MAC eyeliner i wanted. yay! Finally a functioning eyeliner! and it's retractabble. she made up all thses weird stories about she being able to get further discounts with her oub card, so i should not get the eyeliner myself. haha. good one! i feel for it. Laila k got me an Al-Quran. it's so damn nice and it's so slim. and it comes in the shade of green that matches my tafsir book..hahah..yay! and she also got me a beautiful shawl and bracelet and dates for my mom. went around to search for smtg i could buy. smtg that could make me happy. but after browsing thru the usual zara, mango and topshop. i couldnt find anything at all. the mango sale was disappointing. i was just so sick of the whole dress thing,prints and leggings etc etc i didnt noe what to get. maybe i was not in the mood to shop for clothes. i settled for something surprisingly practical, something i needed instead of wanted. An Esprit umbrella and a secondhand book by Oscar Wilde.