i guess when the term obsessive compulsive disorder comes to mind, the first two ppl who come into mind is Adrian Monk and Bree. things that i asociate with this disorder is also obsessive cleaning and the need to be as neat as a pin. But of course truth is the disorder is beyond that..it's the need to do something over and over again to make sure that everything is ok and perfect. Funny thing is that i've never realy seen this as a disorder. I actually admire these ppl who are able to keep their lives as orderly as possible. to keep the places that they live in spotless and so organized. i envy them. i used to be somewhat like that in primary school. those were the days when i actually felt like my life was in order and by being obsessively neat, i feel like i have control over my life. my handkerchief was neatly ironed, folded neatly and placed in my left pocket. my right packet would be where i keep my packet of tissue. (till today i still do not know what the point is of bringing a handkerchief to school..i didnt use it at all) All my stationery would be of the same colour and placed in one direction in my pencil box. ie. the tips of the pens/pencils would have to be in the same direction. i think i was the only one who completed every single correction in my file and work book. i even did correction in green pen if i were to say forget to write the date on the worksheet. and i actually bothered to arrange my music scores for my harmonica club in alphabetical order. (yes i was from harmonica club) i was somewhat a geek and i loved it. i didnt care that i wasnt part of the cool gang. and i did well in school. i miss those days when i was more rajin and i actually feel like i have control over my life. i lost it in secondary school. i guess when i was supposed to be more independent, i kind of lost it. im the sort who needs someone to be watched over and monitor me so that i dont slack off.

but it's easier to control myself rather than control others. you never know what they're thinking. you never know what makes them upset, happy, angry, frustrated, etc. i guess you roughly have a general idea what would trigger off certain emotions for certain ppl. but sometimes things that you don't realise will affect them does. and it make you so conscious. for me at least, it makes me uncomforatble, irritable, rude, etc. and i dont like to be rude cos rudeness is my numero uno pet peeve. then i question whether it's unfair for me to judge others based on my own experiences and values. of course it's wrong to impose your values on them but now i feel that it is also wrong for you to judge them according to your values. but how do you draw the line between what is an acceptable action and what is not for some people?

there is no hard and fast rule for this. life would of course be much much simpler if there was. but what's the challenge in that?