that honours i was dreaming about was long gone ..and i could still like dream of pulling my CAP up. what kind of stupid nonsense is that. i kissed it away a long time ago when i screwed up my first sem exams. what the hell was i talking about. ok maybe i did get into nus. but that was because of Allah. i prayed so hard that with my screwed up results they would accept me and they did. an now that im in here i feelin like im wading in quicksand. where if there was any one moment when i'm not moving the sand would pull me down and when i do struggle i just sink deeper. i was not smart to begin with. all that academic success tasted in my early years was just a product of practise and knowing the the loops and holes in the exam world. i dunno why that i am struggling so hard to prove myself. some ppl really have it in them. and it feels unfair. but who said life was gonna be fair. i dunno why im so demoralised..perhaps it's because i found out some of my friend's CAP score. man this SHIT matters. all that crap about a degree being just a piece of paper is pure BULLSHIT la. of course it matters! saying it does not matter is just something u say to comfort dumb ppl like me. but im not comforted at all. oh man...what am i gonna do with my life. i keep thinking that perhaps i'm destined for greater things. but what? what the hell am i good at. even if they found something..i'm probably good at something which does not matter at all..like maybe i'm good at washing the dishes. but WHO THE HELL CARES?!

this is such an angsty entry..

i noe

i was simply dying to blog

adieu

ps. to my frens..u dun have to mak me feel better. really i mean it.