i am happy today cos i got a substantial amount of work done. presentation tomoro! im nervous. why? afraid that i wont be able to reply the questions sooon hock pose to me. hope i get all my lit review done by today so that my presentation will somehow flow. i am nervous. just now i was doing the tables for my project. i love tables! they're so pretty! and they make my project look so nice. cant deny that i meet up with a lot of hiccups along teh way. i realised that my hypothesis is not proven with my survey..boo! but hey all's well..bakim came just now to join me, laila and fazzy for lunch at Macs. it was really nice to see him. even tho it was for a short while it was so nice to actually come and visit me in school..(:..thanks bakim..hope to see u in NUS. and hopefully we wil have that cousin table like how we planned to.yay!

ok..lemme address yesterday's issue. i noe im gonna get at least a few frowns for me swearing. i noe. tudung girl swearing. *shakes head* i couldnt help it. i was so so mad. i guess..a very sensitive topic was breached yesterday.........my grades. it's just that im really trying and i was just so mad that i was accused for having bad grades, like implying im stupid or smtg. i never blamed PBM. never had and never will. i love PBM! anw the reason i joined so many projects is to firstly forget about drown myself in all the busy-ness so that i would forget everything taht happened..and secondly to force myself to be disciplined. i admit i was tired. i am tired. but i enjoyed it. school is like an escape for me. like i actually feel needed and it actually feels as if im doing smtg right. tiredness is a small small price to pay im telling u. i never blamed him either..what's the point of poitning fingers, it's just sometimes so hard to make him understand my situation. i honestly dunno what to do about the situation already. i've tried to look at it from the point of view of the other party (altho he will never ever admit that i did so).i've tried talking it out. talking to other people to get opinions. i've tried relationship books. i've tried changing my way. i've tried distaning myself from a very close friend. i've tried going withthe flow. but nada. i've tried. right? i did...i noe i did. i really really tried.

i dunno what he thinks of me now. i bet he's mad at me for not picking up his calls. but u should have seen how mad i was. very mad. i mean i refuse to accept it anymore. what am i doing to myslef. what is he doing to himself. the situation seem so long gone now. beyond repair. and i really hate the way his friends view me as the "bad guy"..the destroyer of his life. it's so hard to act unaffected by strangers remarks. now i dunno what's gona happen. we were supposed to go to some performance tomoro. and i dunno what's happenin. i have no time to resolve this by tonight. i need to finish up presentation and do that stupid drawing for theatre studies drawing. and i have tuition with shirah shortly. i even skipped lecture for the very forst time just now to do my work.( Spinelli's fantastic btw.)

oh my lamentations...................

adieu