Tuesday, October 31, 2006
had an early tuition lesson just now before my malay studies lecture..then headed down to school and met up with laila for lunch at macs...finally found out what she needed to bitch about..which was not as bad as i thought.as i was worried sick over the weekend..
when i was sitting down with a mac chicken in my hand listening to her speak passionately...i thought to myself.."i lead a pathetic existence"..i nor adlina bte abd majid am a selfish biatch...i dun think about anyone but myself..my eixstence,my interest..my.my.my.my.my.my.me.me.me.me.me.I.I.I.I.I.I.I...everything is about me, myself and i ..even my genuine and pasionate love for fashion...is out of vanity..to so call make myself "pretty"..wth..which i do fail miserably in
i mean what do i think of in my free time..huh?worrying about whether i will ever find the right guy in my life...so that i will get married before i turn 30 and immedaitely turn into a prune...whether the huge choices i made so far are the right one..whether i will regret my actions in the future..why are all the good ones taken?..i worry about my essays, my studies, my tests....i worry about my existence in nus..about whether i am even meant to be there..ok actually i've moved on that point..aniwei...i worry about my future..am i able to survive?..what will i become?...who will i marry?..see.........i'm so freaking irritated with myself..why do i always worry about who i end up with in the end..what's wrong with not getting married...i'm not saying that mariage is bad..but does EVERYBODY need to get married..i need to get over getting angry with smart, beautiful, talented and popular ppl...wat's the point..i need to move on..notice how i always talk about myself...see!..my god i'm so irritated with myself....
aniwei my point is..when i sat down listening to laila speak..i realise that i'm missing the whole point...wat about the people out there..wat about the other muslims suffering..wat about poverty?...wat about the situation of the malays now?....what have i done to contribute to my society?..the world?...have i even gave any thought to the situation of the world..do i lose sleep over the issues that affect muslims today?..no i dun ..not only i dun think about it...i am not even sure of the real situation...i have no intellectual thoughts about anything at all...i am so sad.....
i would really like to be a real person and promise myself that i'd do my best to be better person.but i dunno how..as stupid as that sounds..
that shall now be what i'll bethinking about from now on
besides worrying about my Malay studies essay and my soci assingnment that is
adieu
| 8:19 PM |
Adieu.
